walk alone .

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

nice weekend .

tiga hari yang nyaris sempurna ^^

bonyok menyenangkan, they don't fight each other. ade gue yang judes mampus bilang kangen ma gue. ketemu gygy, ndet, hbie..... dan ga ngerokok ^^

sebulan lagi harusnya gue duataunan. hahaha, ga penting juga masih aja dibahas. masih aja diinget-inget. dan masih aja nanya, kenapa juga mesti putus ? padahal masih sayang >x(

dan HELL YA, seudah taibabimonyetanjingsetaniblis yang dia lakuin gue masih ngareeeep. ngarep. ngarep. ngarep semua bakalan balik lagi.

s h i t t

kemarin masak bareng mantan calon suami dan makan bareng mantan calon ibu dan ayah mertua ^^ ngerasa waktu mundur banyak bulan kebelakang, tapi sayangnya waktu ga sebaik itu. masih kesel kenapa dua bocah bodoh ini bisa sebodoh itu.

kayak dulu, kayak dulu, kayak dulu. harusnya gue ga ketemu diaa karna gue sekarang mulai tergoda buat setuju kalo semua masih bisa kayak dulu. belom, seengganya ga sekarang. ato mungkiiiiin juga emang ga bakal ^^

balik lagi .

Hell'o .

Niatnya sih mo update blog gue lagi seudah lama banget ga ke pegang. Tapi prakteknya malah keasikan buka FB dan chatting ma orangorang bego sambil browsing ga jelas di mbah google. Akhirnya baru login ke blogger di 15 menit terakhir. Ngebut !


I have a big bunch of things that i'll share here later n_n mo rajin update lagi walo cuma konsumsi sendiri xp


Jiahh, jadinya cuma ngetik segini doang. Haha.

silly poor gurl .

best songs last damn nite :

Ari - Mencintai tuk Disakiti

RR - Ingin Hilang Ingatan

Celine Dion & Paul Anka - It's Hard To Say Goodbye

.
.

.

knp

ga

biarin

guee

ga

tau

apa"

.??

.

.

I'M LOSING MY GRIP

I'D RATHER LOSING ALL

I'D RATHER TOTALLY DYING

what the F .!

feel like i have no one

i'm melting by nothing

in  no where

'n there will be no when

clock stops its click

time stops runnin'

but fuckin' hurt damn beats in my heart still beating

singin' a heretic anthem

let me moan

let me dyin' inside

sure

i'm completely crashed

i'll completely mad

cerita ajaa .

balikin

rambut

guee

T_T

bete bgt. ud gw blng ptong ujung'y dikit ajaa. tp ttep aj rambut gw d babat ma c mas" (ato mba"?) sialaaann. kependekaan njing!

" aneh gar..."

" lucu jg..."

" kyk jamuuurrr...ahahaha....."

" ga nyadar umur lo..."

" kmrn kyk setan lokal. skrg setan jepang..."

" bgus koq ggar..."

" kyk helm..."

" tinggal pke cadar jd helm full face dh..."

nyesel gw ga stey et hum ajaa.

.

.

c banci yg motong rambut gw bkin gw kpikiran ade gw. gw inget masa" ade gw sering bantuin gw ng'rol rambut gw, ngeritingin rambut gw pke kurukuru. telaten abis. nyokap gw aja kalah. harus'y gw seneng dong punya ade kyk gt. tp gw malah pgn nangis inget'y. coz ade gw COWO. wajar ga sih anak co kls 2 SMP sering ngomen rambut ato baju" gw??? gw jd pnasaran, jgn" ade gw sering make baju gw pas gw ga ada.

but fyuuuhhh, smalem gw iseng buka" hp tu anak. smsan'y ce semua n_n plong! brarti ade gw bukan banci, ato seengga'y bkn homo. hheu..

.

.

'py 8th annvrsry n_n hbie&niky

sial bgt pagi" ud d krjain bungkusin kado. tp gw seneng.....soulmate cadangan'quu tersayang awet ma ce'y. walo bkin gw ngiri T_T kangen hilmaaaannnn...........

hbie, hbie, hbie. org yg paling tw gw pa ada'y gw. soulmate cadangan gw. hhe.. yg slalu ada wt gw wkt smua org yg lain sibuk ma idup'y masing". thx for never let me feel alone.... BESTFRIEND FOREVER, rite? n_n

januari'07, bener kt gw kn bie n_n lebih enak qt tmenan ajaaa. lo utang ma gw ni. klo gw ga gt dl, lo blom tentu ky skrg ma niky. dy lbh sgala'y dr gw n_n she loves u much, i know. glad to see u happy brother.....!!

empatbelas .

" jlx inget kan ni hari apa?"

y iyalah inget. damn it valentine. hari yg prnh bkin gw bahagia seanjing-anjing sblm gw nyadar klo hari ni jg yg bkal bkin gw nangis seanjing-anjing.

" ok rfq tw gtw malu bgt rfq blng ky gn, tp bs ga jlx ksi rfq ksempatan..... wt ktiga kali'y rfq nyoba wt byr smua salah q dlu ma km."

n bwt ktiga kali'y kacauin idup gw? you wish!

" q msh slalu syng m km. q ga prnh nemuin syng dr ce lain yg ky syng km wt rfq."

thx GOD. doa gw d kabulin. mang ga ada, ga kan prnh ada yg syng ma lo ky gw. cm gw. tp skrg yg ada tinggal lo nyesel, coz smua tu gkan prnh gw blikin lg ky dl. suruh sapa lo nyia-nyiain gw.

" knp km ga blng km ud pny co lg? sngaja y bkin q ngarep?"

salah gw? salah lo np ga nanya.

" ok, mang dr awal q yg salah. salah klo ngarep km msh syng m q seudah smua yg q ksi m km. hrs'y yg q harapin km bs maafin q."

kpn gw ga maafin lo?

" slama'y cm km jlx'y rfq."

........... i've promised that too. but just it.

.

.

knp org yg prnh jahatin gw slalu minta balik lg ma gw? 'n wkt gw ngsih jwban "iya" ujung'y tu ngasih ruang buat tu org ngulangin salah yg sama. ky gt berulang-ulang. sampe2 da tmn gw yg blng klo idup gw cuma muter2 d satu tempat. lingkaran setan.

but at last, gw brhasil loncat kluar dari tu sumur. ga ada lingkaran setan lagi. ga ada jg lingkaran yg baru. yg ada cm jalan lurus k depan.

keep calm beibb .

gueee,

s h o c k

s y o k

s i i o k k

k a g e t .

kayak'y ga penting bgtt dh dy majang poto CE BARU NYA sgede bagong gtuu d fs. mending gtuu tu ce sbagus apaa.

masih bagusan gw. masih cantikan gw. iya koq gar. masih cantikan lo gar..... (ngmong d ulang-ulang sambil jedukin kepala k tembok)

tp bneran. masih bagusan gw............. heran! apa yg bkin tu org milih tu ce. lebih'y dy d banding gw paling-paling cuma satu, lebih muda. tu doang. dasar anak SMA sial.

ok lah, out of my business.

oiaa.. ga nyangka trnyata seisi rumah gw pecandu trmehek-mehek. dan mau ga mau gw jd nonton jg. hasil'y...... gw makin ilfeel ma CO. pdhl gw gy dlm masa ngyakinin diri gw sndiri kalo ga semua co ujung-ujung'y anjing. he..

tp kayak'y...... 'diaa yg inii' ga bakal ky gtuu n_n moga ajaa.

ohohoho . ?

ahahahaii...

np yh gw ngrasa ni pic 'keren' bgt......

bkn dr segi mesum'y.!!

o.O

my 2nd self n_n

kangen.

bgt.

enam taun bareng-bareng akhir'y pisah juga. depok-bogor-bandung. gw bener-bener keilangan kaliaan beibb..... rasa'y ga pernah cukup lewat sms, telpon, gw kangeeen. gw ga bakal prnah brubah, ttep kaliaan bdua yg gw cari wkt gw sneng, sedih..... gw msi pgn ngbisin smua wktu gw ma kliaan.

yakin. ga bkal gw tmuin lg dua sahabat yg ky kalian. 

kangen..... gw butuh kliaan bdua yg meluk gw wkt gw nangis. yg nampar gw wkt salah. yg ikut ktawa wkt gw ktawa. THX. thx bgt slalu bs nerima gw, ky gmana pun gw. slalu bs nerima gw, sgede apapun slh gw. sbodoh apapun hal yg gw lakuin.

kita b'tiga mang beda. 'n kliaan bdua nglengkapin gw. 

gw kangen ma cara kliaan nyikapin gw. respon kliaan ma cerita" gw. hal-hal bodoh yg gw lakuin. gw slalu pgn ktawa ngliat gygy yg respon prtama'y slalu "gimanaa rasa'y...????" dgn muka antusias, beda ma deth yg pasti dluan nanya "ggar........km th knp ky gt....????" dgn muka khwatir'y.

'n walo pun jelas gw yg paling tua diantara kita b'tiga, tapi mreka bdua lebih bs dewasa n mikir lebih waras dr pd gw.

yh, ky gmn pun kliaan gw slalu sayang kliaan bdua selama'y........... TAKECARE.. gw ttep ykin kliaan bdua gkan lakuin stupid things ky gw.....x)

hold my breath .

TUNJUKKAN YANG TERSISA DAN 
BAYANGKANKU TERSIKSA
MUNTAH PELUKAN INDAHMU
CUCI BUSUK SUMPAHMU
DAN TUDING KALIMAT TERPAKU
HARAPAN TEBAS HASRATMU 
JEJAKKI BENTUK NAFASMU 
DAN TERLAMPIRKAN….

LEPASKAN SEMUA YANG MENGIKATMU HARI ITU DAN MASA LALU
TAK ADA ARTI JIKA MENGINGATNYA LAGI
BUANG SEMUA YANG TERINDAH YANG KITA LALUI BERSAMA 
TAK MUNGKIN KEMBALI, DAN TAK MUNGKIN KEMBALI

.

by : Alone At Last

Kisah Jejak Terhina

.......

.

finally i found, alesan np gw slalu ngrasa 'berat' pulang k sini. too much things happened here. too much words like 'us' and 'ours' resound, out of my controll. smua yg ada d sini ngingetin gw ma hal-hal yg seharusnya ga gw inget-inget selama gw blm bnr-bnr bs anggep tu smw cuma bagian dr hari kemarin. nyiksa.

.

It felt like someone suddenly throw cold water on me .

nowadays . . .

ganti hari ganti bulan 'n ga kerasa ganti taun. kul ud 1 smester n nunggu markSHIT. moga IP gw bs bkin bokap senyum, bukan ketawa ngledek. 

heran jg, jauh dari rumah malah bikin gw akur ma org rumah. ga bentak-bentakan tiap hari ma nyokap. ga nangis sambil banting pintu kamar gara-gara dibentak bokap. ga pergi pagi pulang malem n didiemin org serumah. ga nganggep ade gw invisible ampe kadang lupa mereka sekarang ud kelas brapa sih.

gw kira gw bakal benci ma yg nama'y depok. tapi gw betah. yap. betah. dapet hidup baru yg nyadari gw klo taun ni umur gw bakal 20. DUAPULUH.

anjrit, ud tua gw. nyesel napa dulu gw mogok ga mau sekolah n gw telat masuk SD. makin nambah aja mulut-mulut yg nyapa gw "tante". bete ah.

tapi napa, ga banyak juga yg brubah dari diri gw. tetep, egois. boros. cengeng. manja. tapi gw bakal tetep manja mpe kapanpun, coz diaa blng diaa suka ce manja (...xp). o iya satu lagi, berat badan gw ga naik-naik 4 taun terakhir ni, yg ada malah turun dgn jahat'y.

gw suka depok.

gw suka kamar kosan gw. berantakan. tapi gw ud mulai ngrasa 'ni kamar gw'. ga ada ade yg gangguin gw tidur. ga ada mamah yg bangunin gw kepagian. hehe..

gw suka kampus gw. gw suka jalan penuh pohon yg gw lewatin tiap pagi.

gw suka kelas gw. gw suka diem d jendela kelas gw, liatin hutan, liatin tupai-tupai lewat. gw suka kelas gw, ngliatin diaa senyum-senyum sambil maen uno (masih belom ngerti apa rame'y sh?). dan diaa pasti ga tau ud dari kapan gw sering senyum ndiri ngliat diaa. ahahaii..

'n seudah satu taun enam bulan dua minggu yg ud fade out dari idup gw, gw harap diaa yg bakal terus ngisi hari-hari gw jd 'penuh' lg n_n.

gw bencii pagi ini .

When i try my best but i don’t succeed
When i get what i want but not what i need
When i feel so tired but i can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down my face
When i lose something i can’t replace
When i love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
No lights will guide me home
And never ignite my bones
And no one could try to fix me
And high up above or down below
When i'm too in love to let it go
But if i never try i’ll never know
Just what i'm worth
Maybe later, a lights will guide me home
And ignite my bones
And someone will try to fix me?

kliatan'y pesimis bgt yh gw? feel so damned. numb with all. what a fuckin' heartache?

It's over tonight
There's no more chance to make it right
I may make it through the night
I'll go home without you

nyesek bgt.

gw benci smua hal d pagi ni.

he hopes, i'm ok with all.

he hopes, this is the way that i could stand.

he hopes, this is my way n all i want.

he said, " is there 'tomorrow' for us? i'll be waiting for a chance. i'll show all that i've said. i'll give all that i've promised. i know i'm wrong. i know i just a silly blind boy. but i never fool u with all my dream. u'll be my last. "

T_T

PLEASE just take ur heart off of me. don't say anything 'bout us. stop promised me everythings 'bout dream. u've broke me n there'll be no way to fix me back.

.....

nothing last forever but be honest, baby. it hurts but it maybe the only way.

''(x

THERE IS NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE THAN RIGHT HERE WITH HIM .

brand new day .

gar
sayang
diaa

senyum
diaa

cara
diaa
sayangin
gar

buat
gar
ktawa
lagi

gar
sayang
diaa

smua
care
diaa

smua
hadir
diaa
d hari"
gar

gar
butuh
diaa

slalu
dket
gar

n_n




dear GOD.
let him be the one who loves me all the time.
n.n

wlo btuh waktu gar buat fokusin hati gar cm buat diaa. wlo mgkn ga bntar wkt yg gar btuhin buat lupain hari" kmrn gar. tp gar bner" pgn sayangin diaa. slalu. ga mau ga ada diaa. moga diaa ngerti gar. moga diaa ga bikin gar nyesel. buat gar prcaya lagi ma smua.

................!!!

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?

gw ud sering bilang. gw bs muak.

What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

gw bukan guardian angel. lo yg harus'y jagain gw.

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

d anggep ap gw? lo jadiin kata maaf cm buat skedar jeda buat salah yg lo ulang-ulang-ulang-ulang.

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?

lo? "cinta" yg paling egois yg pernah gw punya.

You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you

gw ud cb. jd org plng perfect yg ad dlm diri gw. buat lo. buat lo. buat lo.

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

why all must end by this way? bagian plng sakit, smua janji" yg ga smpet btw d jdiin nyata.

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

enough.

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside

gw y gw. jgn bandingin gw ma yg lain. jgn minta gw jd org lain. n yg lo lakuin, gantiin gw jd ce lain.

Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

there's no chance. there's no soon or later.

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you

u'll regret.

Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

all i wanted now just let u go out of my life.

Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

jgn balik lg.

What if I wanted to break?
What if I, what if I, what if I
Bury me, bury me

jgn pernah balik lg.

.................................................................

jgn dtng lg. jgn panggil gw lg. jgn egois. jgn bwt gw ngliat lo lg. biarin gw. idup gw bkn urusan lo lg. gw ud ksi smw yg tbaik dr gw. tp ni pilihan lo. let me go out. let me live my life. "my life". wont ever be "our life" anymore.

jam dua malem .

Cm pgn ktawa koq. Ktawa bnran. Yg gx ky pke topeng ktawa. Ktawa bnran, gx smbil nangis dlm hti.

Yh.....yg ud gx ad y gx ad aj. Yg ud lewat y lewat aj. Yg ud prgi y prgi aj.

Brenti wt ngratapin. Brenti jd mayat idup.

Gampang? Gx.
Sakit? Iya.

Brenti wt ngliat k blkng. Nyoba buka mata wt nyadar ap yg ada. Wt ngliat dia, yg jd ALASAN gar wt smangat lg. Wt ktawa lg.

Gx ad yg nama'y trlalu cpt ato trlalu lama wt bhgia.....
Gx butuh wkt. Cm btuh kbranian wt mulai cerita baru, bkn stuck d tmpat n ngratapin diri ndiri. Gx ad skt yg gx bkal smbuh.

Just forget n forgive, then love d one i have.

END.

org yg slalu jd tawa wt gar skrg jd org yg bwt gar gx bs ktawa.

org yg slalu ada wt ngapus airmata gar skrg jd org yg bwt gar gx bs brenti nangis.

org yg slalu blng ma gar "jgn tinggalin aq" skrg jd org yang ninggalin aq.

org yg slalu blng "gx kan ad ce lain,cm km" skrg mungkin gy ngomong kalimat yg sama k ce lain.

org yg slalu jd smangat gar nyambut hari besok skrg jd org yg bwt gar ngrasa gx pengen idup.

org yg slama ni jd sgala'y bwt gar ud jd org yg ngilangin sgala'y dr idup gar.

pengen nampar dia. nunjukin k dia sgimana sakit'y. blng k dia ky gmn rasa'y.

poor in fact, yg bs gar blng cm MAAF n MAKASIH.

.?

nobody said it was easy

it's such as shame for us to part

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be this hard

o, take me back to the start

T_T